The FitBit 30 -- Day 0, and What does being healthy look like to me?

So, I've been off the radar . . . residency interviews and applications, travel for the holidays, you name it.

I was having a conversation with my husband a few weeks ago and mentioned that it was funny that I *felt* fat that day, since I'd been about the same weight since I'd met him 17 months prior to that.

Then it hit me.

Despite a year of actively trying to lose weight, I've pretty much been +/- five pounds of the same point since we met.  Now, maybe my muscle mass has fluctuated, etc., but it's ridiculous that I claim to have been actively working on something for 17 months and have nothing to show in terms of change.

Which means, either:
A) I was doing everything right and my body is beyond broken.
or
B) I wasn't working as hard or consistently as I thought I was.

While there's a smidgen of A that is probably true, let's go with B, shall we?

Well, consistency is the key to success.  You don't have to be perfect every day, but you have to be good more often than not.

Anyhow, I'd like to be more intentional about a lot of my day-to-day life, and one of those things is working on being healthier.  I'm 33, y'all, and am about to dive head first into residency (which will likely be hell) and haven't even added kids to the equation yet.

What does being healthy look like to me?

Emotionally/Spiritually

• Daily time spent in
• Prayer
• Bible Study
• Meditation (seriously guys, this can lower your blood pressure by a lot)
• Journaling/reflection
• Frequent quality time with my husband
• Date nights
• Weekly budget/to-do check-ins

Physically

• High aerobic capacity
• Better core strength -- I'd like to make it through the year without an L5 exacerbation, but hey, we might have to get rid of our futon for that to happen.
• Increased flexibility
• Eating more whole foods
• Decreasing intake of refined sugar
• Not reliant on caffeine
• Ability to listen to my body's cues on food, not cravings

Career

• Staying up to date on advances
• Reading at least one peer-reviewed article a week
• Listening/viewing at least one FOAM resource a week
• Networking
• Going to conferences whenever possible
• Reviewing
• Picking at least one concept/disease to review per week
• Find a mentor to help guide me through the craziness of residency

So for January, 2017:

I'm going to be working on a lot of these things on the side.  I can't totally change my life all at once, and some of them I've been doing in fits and starts.  But I'm going to write out what "healthy" looks like for me, and keep it visible on my bullet journal, so I can keep it in mind.

But for January, let's build some new habits:  hence, the FitBit 30.

I like the FitBit.  It calculates my daily energy expenditure (DEE) and can prorate the calories I have left for the day based on that.  I'm going to attempt to maintain a daily 1000 calorie deficit (according the the FitBit) for the 30 days, which should result in an 8ish pound weight loss compared to tomorrow.  It'll also build good habits.

Rules:  

I can not go OVER the calories prescribed by the FitBit -- must be "in the zone."  If I go over, I'll have to "earn" those calories back.

Can I go under?  Yes, but here's why:  sometimes, I go to bed still in the target zone, but earn enough calories while sleeping to push me under it.  So I can't be too strict about that.

Bonus wins:  Meeting the FitBit goals for water, sleep, activity, and steps.  But hey, let's keep it simple and focus on the calories for now.

Consistency is the name of the game.

Happy 2017 everyone!

Where in the world is Doc Doc Goose?

Guys, I'm here!  I swear I am.  I just was doing residency applications and getting married, so life got crazy for a bit.

We got home from the honeymoon Sunday, and I'm already eyeballs deep in my next ER rotation, so I'll update more ASAP.  I'm currently pondering a 30 day "refocus on health" challenge, using my FitBit and r/Bodyweight Fitness and r/Flexibility from Reddit.

More to come soon!

5k a day -- Wrap Up of a Semi-Failure

Guys, I failed.  I have been MIA but not out of avoidance -- but because I failed and had nothing to share.

I didn't do 30 days of 5k.  I did try, and try valiantly.  But I failed to account for what would be required during this "active" 30 day challenge:  a hour of time commitment daily, that has to work with the weather, and I have to have a safe place to walk/run alone at a safe time of day.

Admittedly, the biggest part of this problem has been the shifts I've been on for this hospital rotation.  The ER I'm working at right now switches our schedules around from night shift to early AM and back and forth -- meaning I've literally been spending all of my time either at work or catching up on sleep, because my body is so messed up.

"But Doc Doc Goose," you might say, "isn't that exactly the time you should be even more diligent about self care and personal time?"  Well, yes, probably. But I certainly didn't take into account how hard it would be to fit in that time within all those restrictions.

So I failed.  Lack of planning, lack of . . . I don't know, willpower?  Maybe.  But more like my priorities changed from improvement to survival.

At one point I was so tired this week I put the bag of popcorn away in the freezer.

So what did I get from this?

Well, one of the biggest things is recognizing the difference between active and passive challenges.    There's always time to *not* do something.  It's the doing something that can become cumbersome.  And that's okay, but if I'm going to do an Active challenge in the future, I need to be very purposeful and aware of how much time I'll be able to squeeze into my schedule.  And 5k a day while rotating, prepping for and taking boards, and planning a wedding just wasn't feasible, and I should have seen that.

I'd like to do this challenge in the future.  It was good for me, and I enjoyed it, but it will have to wait for a rotation when I know my schedule far ahead of time and that schedule is more unchanging.

Maybe it's good to fail.  Keeps me humble.  Makes me focus on the journey, not the destination.

---

Been talking to Paul about what my next challenge should be.  I still want to keep doing the 30 day effort, and I have just enough time to fit one in before the wedding.  If it's gonna be active, it'll be something that doesn't take much time.  Maybe passive would be better.  

Do you guys have any suggestions for a 30 day challenge to improve my wellness?

5k a day -- Day 23

I had a crazy schedule the past few days and a stressful day with work, so I was looking forward to my walk tonight -- after running for two days, I had planned on a nice, relaxing walk.

Super humid out, but I just walked with no music.  So I'm not quite sure why Pokémon Go! is such a huge addiction for people.  But I will say I had no music or audiobook or partner for my walk tonight, and it was nice to have running in my hand and just forget about it.  And then, every so often, a pokémon would appear, which added a little variety to keep me awake.  So I guess it was a nice tool to have?  But I'm still not getting it . . . maybe because I never played/watched it as a kid.

The 5k:

5k in 1:13:02

23:34 min/mile average pace

Splits: 22:13/23:23/24:37/29:39

I mean, I may have been pausing frequently for pokémon.

The Workout:

84 squats

90 seconds plank

32 modified push ups (these are feeling much better)

5k a day -- Day 22

I *think* I ran my fast mile in quite a while today, but I can't tell, because MapMyRun doesn't seem to keep track of that as an option, which is a bummer.  I'd love an option that tracks how my mile and 5k times change over time.

It was hot, and we're out of sunscreen, but I went out anyhow.  My first mile was 11:02, which included a 42 second phone call with Paul, during which I walked (yes, I answered . . . we were waiting on important news) and I ran the rest of it best I could.

So even though it says 11:01, I think it was more like a 10:45 pace!  Yay me!

The rest of the workout I did intervals for -- God, running in this heat sucks.

The 5k:

5k in 42:09

13:37 min/mile average pace

Splits: 11:01/17:22/11:58/18:07

The Workout:

82 squats

90 seconds plank

31 modified push ups

5k a day -- Day 21

Yes, yes, I know.  I purposefully switched my schedule to start running in the morning.  My ER shifts have been crazy -- they end anywhere from 4pm to 5am.  So the only way to do this is to run before work.

But on days like today when I got home from work super late last night and actually wanted a full night's sleep, it means I don't get to start running till it's way too hot for my taste.  And that's what I did today.

I ran 1.6 miles, then hit pause for a quick water break at a park drinking fountain I pass (our city water actually tastes decent!) and somehow actually "ended" my run on MapMyRun . . . which is hard to do, since you have to slide to end it.  Anyhow, I restarted my run, obviously.  But I can't really post averages or splits since it's all broken up.  I did intervals for the last 1.5 miles.  I hate hot weather.

I was complaining about it to Paul when I got back (because what else are fiancés for?) and he wondered if I'd acclimate to hot weather running if I did more of it, instead of avoiding it like the plague.  I wonder about this.  Would I?  Would my body adapt more?  Or would the fact I live in a very air conditioned world undo any acclimation?

Anyone have any thoughts?

But anyhoo, all I can tell you is my overall time for today and the pace for my first mile and my last mile.

The 5k:

5k in 43:00 . . . ish.

?:? min/mile average pace

Splits: 11:57/?/?/15:09

The Workout:

80 squats

90 seconds plank 

30 modified push ups

Apparently my butt is looking a lot different.  Too bad it's kinda hard for me to tell, what with it being behind me and all.

5k a day -- Day 20

I didn't run yesterday.  This wasn't an oops or a "this doesn't matter to me" or anything like that.  This was I had gotten home late from a shift in the ER and had two options -- spend an hour doing my 5k (even with running, there's changing, showering, etc., so more than 40 minutes) or go to sleep so I could be up for my next shift.  And at the end of the day, I looked at my options, and I *had* to sleep.
I was talking to Paul about this whole challenge and the difficulty I was having with it, and he basically said, "Well, you decided to do an 'active' challenge where you have to find/make time to do something every day during one of the busiest times of your life."  And it's true.  Boards, wedding planning, crazy shifts in the ER . . . probably poor planning on my part.

And that's not to be an excuse -- in the future, I just need to look ahead better at the 30 days the challenge will cover before I decide what it'll be.  For example, I'd probably have less problem doing Whole30 again this month, but that's cause it's more passive.

Anyhow.  Gotta make choices that are best for long term.  And when it came down to 5k vs. sleep so I can make it through the shift that might be helping me earn a residency, I picked option B.

So today, we went on a walk together to catch up, cause we actually haven't seen much of each other lately.  Unfortunately we had pizza for dinner, and my stomach wasn't having it, requiring our route to swing back by the house half-way through.  Also, the tummy upset pretty much prevented the workout part of the 5k.

The 5k:

3.16 miles in 1:08:32

21:39 min/mile average pace

Splits: 20:35/21:08/22:58/22:56

So, I'm not sure if I have any readers, and really, this is more for me, but I was thinking about whether the people reading this would be disappointed I took another day "off" from the challenge.  I mean, that's #3, right?

But for me, I have to balance intent, life priorities, and long-term consequences.  So maybe I can learn from it better -- plan out my days better, etc., but I've gotta be gentle with myself in the meantime.

5k a day -- Day 19

Sorry for the boring posts, but it's late, and my new rotation at the hospital has killer hours.  I just walked tonight.  Although I think my MapMyRun was acting up, cause I'm pretty sure my times were way faster than it showed.

The 5k:

5k in 1:10:38

22:47 min/mile average pace

Splits: 22:44/23:39/21:48/20:57

Although, the times may be off cause I got bored on last night's walk and downloaded Pokemon Go out of desperation.  And stopped to catch a few tonight.

The Workout:

76 squats

90 seconds plank

28 modified push ups

5k a day -- Day 18

The 5k:

5k in 1:06:07

21:21 min/mile average pace

Splits:  23:10/19:06/21:48/20:55

The Workout:

74 squats

90 seconds plank (I'm reverting to 90 because my form is starting to suffer in an attempt to go longer.)

27 modified push ups

5k a day -- Day 17

This evening sucked.  My life can be stressful, as I'm sure yours can be.  Somehow I made it out the door for a run, in a pissy mood, which is an understatement.  Sometimes life is just so stressful, overwhelming, frustrating, and disappointing that a run is awesome, cause you can cry while you run and people think it's just the sweat on your face.

I, however, was running in the dark, and my city is poorly lit with lots of trees.  Which means less than a mile in I tripped on uneven sidewalk and managed to eat asphalt.

Sunburned legs + Road rash = ow.

I walked some.  I ran some.  Maybe like half and half for the first two miles?  Or more running than walking?  I dunno.  By mile 3 my leg was throbbing.  I dunno, but I did it.  That's all I've got, folks.

The 5k:

5k in 47:33

15:21 min/mile average pace

Splits:  14:41/13:18/17:25/21:54

The Workout:

72 squats

105 seconds plank

26 modified push ups

A bit of failure -- 5k a Day -- Days 17 and 18

I'm almost glad I didn't complete this challenge 100% perfectly, because it gives me a chance to address that.

Day 17 (take 1)

On Sunday, we rolled out of the tent and into the freshly-rain-washed campground, headed up to the central office, and signed up for tubing.  We had just enough time to read a chapter in our books (it felt so good to read for pleasure after boards.  I read some real brain candy, The Red Queen, by Victoria Aveyard, and it was so nice to not read something for school), and then packed up the cooler and headed to the river.  It was about a 4-5 hour tubing trip down the Rifle River.   The trip started out cloudy and about 73°, so not the most ideal tubing weather, but it ended up warming up nicely.

The trip was incredible.  We were so relaxed and lazy, I even dozed off once.  Paul amused himself by using sticks to steer us and get us out of tangles.  It was cool enough that it wasn't until the sun really came out from behind the clouds (after about 3 hours) that we thought about applying the sunscreen we had brough with us, which we did with great purpose.

And by then it was too late.  Guys, cloudy days can still burn ya!  My shoulders and face were okay because they're already mildly tanned, by my poor pasty white legs were burned from below my knees up to the tops of my thighs.  That's an uncomfortable feeling.  Paul fared even worse -- he looks like a lobster on the front of him.

It was stupid of us -- we both believe in sun safety and protecting your skin.  We're a little embarrassed we failed to take care of ourselves!

Anyhow, we hobbled back to camp after our trip, and took turns pulling the heat out of our burns with towels soaked in the spring water the camp pipes up, which was ice cold.  Repeat, repeat, repeat, do it more.  Paul's feet were so burned he couldn't even put shoes on.

There was no 5k gonna be happening that evening.  Neither of us felt like we could physically do it with our burns.  No workout, either.

Day 18 (take 2)

We crawled (slowly) out of our tent, testing the tensile strength of our burned skin. 

We (slowly) packed up camp and loaded the car.

We headed west to Houghton Lake, MI, where some friends of ours have a cabin, and we had committed to hanging out with them the last day of our vacation.  This was awesome cause:

a) they are awesome people

b) they have a boat

c) they have tubes for their boat

This was not awesome because:

a) we were both still incredibly burned

Poor Paul.  Walking was painful for him.  But we slathered up with aloe, lidocaine, and sunscreen, and decided we could handle sitting on the boat.  The water felt amazing on our burns, and we even got in a tiny bit of tubing, but the plastic tube was too brutal for our skin.  Also, I forgot that when wearing pigtails, one should apply sunscreen to one's hair part.  Or one's scalp will be painful to use a comb on.

By the time we got home last night, it was 9.  I unpacked the car while Paul reapplied lidocaine to his legs, and we passed out early.  Pain and a busy day = no 5k, no workout.

Not quite as planned

So there it is guys.  Two days where I didn't get my 5k or workout in.  I'll be doing a 5k tonight hopefully, and it'll be Day 17, version 2.0.  I did get over 10000 steps each day I didn't do the 5k, but it doesn't fall into the spirit of this challenge.

So what can I learn from this?

First of all -- if you fail to plan, you plan to fail.  Yup, cliché but true.  I didn't plan for hiking/running paths when we booked our campsite (which was done last-minute).  By not making the 5k a priority in our planning, it because incredibly hard to do.

It's about intention -- from having to substitute a workout bike for 2 days to meandering around camp for the 5k, I still did the "active" portion of this challenge those days by intentionally completing a 5k.  Rigorous adherence to rules is less important than intention, especially in an active challenge.

Falling off the horse is one thing -- watching it run away from you is another.

We're all going to make mistakes.  We're all going to fail to meet goals.  What is just as important is what happens next. Do we say "oh, I failed to do part N, so forget about parts O-Z"?  Nope.  Getting back on the horse is just as important a habit to build as these 30 day challenges.  Not letting that small failure turn into a bigger one is good practice at preventing negative thinking and self-sabotage.

Ever been on a diet and gone over your calorie limit for the day?  What are your choices?

Choice A) Figure out how to "earn" those calories back in your bank with a workout deposit.

Choice B) Say "whoops", and stop right there, being gentile with yourself.

Choice C) Say "fuck it", and go get that Chipotle burrito with everything on it, followed by Coldstone Creamery ice cream for dessert, and snack on chips during your Netflix binge, because it's already screwed up.

I'd say choices A and B are both perfectly fine!  Choice C is what we have to train ourselves to avoid.  It's self-sabotage at its best.  And it doesn't mean you don't hold yourself to stringent standards, or that you're "accepting failure".  You're accepting your human-ness.  Which is probably a good thing to come to terms with, since it probably won't be changing any time soon.

So today I practice chasing down that horse and getting back on, even when I missed two days of this challenge.  

Bonus pictures:

You can already see the red starting on my chest.

Our little cooler is seen floating in the background

5k a Day -- Day 15, Day 16

Note:  this is a "catch up" post, as I was without internet service from Saturday till last night.

Day 15

We got to the campsite after dark, set up camp, and walked around to check out the camp site.  We did the 5k just by walking around.  The site was in a hilly part of the norther Lower Penninsula, in the middle of nowhere.  Unfortunately, the site straddled a major country road with frequent speeding traffic, and was generally unsuitable for hikes/walks.  We made large loops around the camp, trying to avoid interloping on others' campsites.

There was no way I was going to be able to jog at this campground, so walk it I did.

Also, without cell service, I had to rely on my trusty steps via my Fitbit to track my distance, so I do have proof I did it.

Also, we made tacos over the campfire.  Don't tell me that's not impressive.

The Pot is the only real convenience we take for food prep.  Paul cut the beans open with a pocket knife.

I mean, delicious.

The 5k:

Yeah, I don't have any times, etc.  It was a 5k, plus a little.  But at least I did it.

And 6.something miles total for the day

The Workout:

68 squats

95 seconds plank

24 modified push ups

I did these on the tarp outside the tent, and I'll say working my abs to keep from sliding down the tarp added a lot to the workout.

Day 16:

I walked around the camp again to get the 5k, but my fitbit was almost dead at this point, and we had no electricity on site, so I have no proof of such a thing.  I did, in fact do it.  

The 5k: 

We headed over to a nearby village to try to find walking paths.  Maybe even running paths!  But we were thwarted.  They had about a quarter mile of good paths, but these were interrupted by a classic car show going on.  We explored the tiny riverwalk, walked through another campground, and wandered the city, trying to find an ATM and hit our 3.1 miles.  We eventually did, but it was a mess, y'all.

What a mess this was.  Lots of dead-ends, as you can tell from the map.

This isn't even worth tracking the times.

We did find ice cream though:

Mine was blue moon and watermelon sorbet.  Seriously, great combination.

The Workout:

Failure.

Guys, I didn't get the workout done.  After the 5k, we headed back to camp and sat down to make dinner at the campfire while we still had a few minutes of light, but those minutes and that light were quickly gone.  A massive rainstorm came through -- basically a deluge of Biblical proportions.  We quickly stuffed two hotdogs in the fire, and retreated (soaked) to the protection of our tent.  

It continued to pour until around 4 or 5am, and when I say pour, I mean pour.  And I simply wasn't up to getting on my hands and knees in the mud and rain to do the workout.  (There was no room in the tent.)  Not when we had no power, limited dry clothes, etc.  But, at least I got the 5k done.

Don't worry, I'm still doing my 5k daily!

We're camping in northern-ish Michigan at the moment and cell service is almost non-existent. But I am doing and tracking my 5ks and workouts!

I'm updating this as we drive through a tiny little village and I have 2 bars of 3G for a moment, but I'll share all the lovely details when I get home Monday. In the mean time, here is a picture of ice cream. 

5k a day -- Day 14

I took my boards today.  400 questions.  9 hours total.  I don't have much more to say, because just mentioning it has me exhausted.

We went to Presque Isle park to walk on the beach and catch the sunset.  It was beautiful, but not conducive to a 3 mile walk, though we did walk almost a mile.  The sand there is deep and rough, and it was painful to walk in.

See how rough the sand is?  And how much I need a pedicure?

I tried again at the hotel -- another lady walking on the treadmill (well, alternating that and yelling at her kids who were in the pool), and the other equipment still broken, so yet another biking 5k for me.

(Side note:  Really, Hilton Garden Inn?  2 broken exercise machines and a broken hot tub?  Sad panda, and since these amenities were some of the reasons I picked your hotel, unhappy-money-panda, too.)

Can't wait to get back to the "real thing", believe it or not.

The 5k:

Yeah.

Yay bike.

The Workout:

66 squats

90 seconds plank

23 modified push ups

My arms seem to alternate days.  Yesterday's 22 MPUs were miserable to do.  Today, the 23 weren't bad.  Who knows?

I'm spent, emotionally, physically, mentally.  So that's all.

5k a day -- Day 13

Gonna be a short post today.  In less than 12 hours I'll be knee-deep in the last hurdle between me and being a doctor.

Got to my hotel today (I find it important to have a quiet, controlled, cleaned-for-you environment before these things) and studied a bit.  Then headed down to their gym for my 5k.  They have two treadmills, one elliptical, and and a stationary bike.  The first treadmill was taken by some lady walking, so I hopped on the other treadmill.  It was out of order.  So I hopped on the treadmill.  Not only was it adjusted for a very tall person, but the resistance was broken on it.  So, stationary bike it was.

I felt guilty knowing I was biking and not walking/running the 5k, and I knew I'd be done a lot faster than usual, so I bumped the resistance up to 10 and made sure I'd be working hard for the whole time.   I have to say, my legs and butt definitely felt it, even more than when doing my squats.

iPhone apps are not handling the iOS 10 beta well, so I'm in the process of rolling back to iOS 9 for now . . . unfortunately, until that's done, MayMyRun is still no-go.

The 5k:

Not even gonna list times/splits, cause it's not fair.

Look, you can even see my practice questions, courtesy of Combank

The Workout:

64 squats (my knees are killing me today)

85 seconds plank

22 modified push ups

5k a day -- Day 12

Guys, I'm about to lose it.  Boards are two days away, and on the surface I feel find about it, but then I realize I've had mild/weird nightmares the past few nights, am irritable, and generally feeling a little emotionally labile.  Guess that means the anxiety is getting to me after all, at least on a subconscious level.

The weather was nice so I was going to run tonight, but I pulled up board review questions on my phone and did a set while I walked instead.

In good/other news, Marshmallow came running down the street to meet me.  While I was rubbing his belly, a family pulled up in a mini-van, and parked.  Apparently, Marshmallow is "Cloud" (which I think we can all agree is a much inferior name) and is one of 6 cats (I guess 4 are kittens?) in their house.  They let the two grown up cats outside during the day.  They seemed oblivious to the danger of their cat running up and down a well-driven road.  Despite the fact they called him and he came running, almost getting hit by a car in the process.  They also don't seem to realize both his eyes are infected, and he likely needs eye drops and a FelV (sp?) workup.  I did mention that the city is pretty strict about collars and licensing of animals, so they had better do that before the cats get picked up as strays.  It makes me sad that they're not being properly cared for, but at least Marshmallow Watch Day 3 ends with some answers.

The 5k:

5k in . . . .um. . . 

So I updated to the iOS 10 public beta, and my MapMyrRun app keeps crashing.  I can log workouts on it but I can't review them, and it hasn't uploaded them to the website.

So.  To be updated?

The Workout:

(At least I only keep track of the numbers for this part)

62 squats

80 seconds plank

21 modified push ups

5k a day -- Day 11

Walked with Paul tonight. Sometimes it seems like a cop out to do my 5k as a walk, but then I remember:

A) it's 5k a day, and that's the only guideline

B) my boards are Thursday, so having a quiet time to talk is very relaxing for me 

C) it also gives me the excuse to have a "date" with Paul, since all I've been doing is studying lately. 

We made it a point to walk to the other side of the neighborhood tonight. We just moved here in June, so there's a lot we haven't explored yet. 

What did I learn about the other side of the area? There's pot everywhere. Seriously we must have smelled it 6 different times in a half mile. 

I made it a point to take our walking path by where I met marshmallow last night, and there he was! He literally galloped across a yard to come get petted, and ate up all the attention Paul willingly gave him. We were able to see the house he hung out at, and that they had water bowls out for him and his little scaredy cat of a buddy we're calling Oreo. 

So our splits were affected by crossing a major road twice, and stopping to play with a kitty. 

The 5k:

5k in 1:09:51

22:28 min/mile average pace

Splits: 22:20/22:41/22:27/21:21

The Workout:

60 squats

75 seconds plank

20 modified push ups

I'm posting this from mobile so I'll update the layout and tags tomorrow. 

5k a day -- Day 10

Sometimes you have a plan.  Sometimes a little interloper messes with it.

I waited until I couldn't stand to do a single additional board review question, laced up, and headed out.  I had been sitting at my computer all day, so my intention was to walk a mile for a nice long warm up and de-stress, then run a mile.  Then for the third mile, I simply hadn't decided yet.

I walked my first mile.  My right hip gets pretty tight, so I'm working on stretching it out during the day, and paying good attention to my stride when I'm out.  That's the knee that hasn't been the same since jumping in and out of ambulances for 10 years, which means I try to watch how I hit the ground with that foot.

Anyhow, I hit mile 2 and started running.  About 0.3 miles in, I noticed a car stopping to shoo a kitty cat out of the street.  Kitty came running towards me, and I paused (and paused my timers) to make sure everything was alright.  He began to rub against my leg and beg for attention.  I petted him, and started walking.  Kitty kept following.

I walked for about a half a mile with this little white and blonde kitty following at my feet.  He only paused for rubbing up against me or plopping at my feet, begging to be petted.  He was fat, and obviously domesticated and well fed.  But no collar, and no claws.  I was torn -- he was dumb enough to lay down in the middle of the street, but he obviously had a home.  Was it safe to leave him?  

I turned my tracker back on and started retracing my steps back to where he had joined me.  He even followed me when I walked across the street to ask a couple out by their car if they knew who Marshmallow (he looked just like a toasted marshmallow so obviously that was his name) belonged to.  They had no idea.  I petted him while we chatted, and then he seemed content to lay there on the sidewalk, so that's where I left him.  I certainly hope he'll be okay, but it *was* nice to have a walking buddy for a half mile or so.

I also hope I'm not hurting his pride by calling a she a him, but in all honesty, I didn't check.

Sorry for the potato pic, but doesn't he look just like a toasted marshmallow?

I suppose I could get deeply philosophical and metaphysical about this and say the moral of today's story is that when our plans our ruined, it's worth being open to the change because you never know what new companion will come along side you.  But really, we can all agree that's reading too much into all of this, no?

My plan for the night now ruined (and having abandoned my new companion to his plop on the sidewalk), I walked for the rest of that mile, and then ran that last mile home.  My perceived rate of exertion for that last mile was fairly high, and I'm not sure why.

The 5k:

5k in 51:42

16:41 min/mile average pace

Splits:  20:41/17:27/11:35/19:57

The Workout:

58 squats

70 seconds plank

19 modified push ups

5k a day -- Day 9

The past couple days the stress has been getting to me.  Boards are on Thursday.  Also planning a wedding.  Also rotations.  Also PMS.  My diet has been craving-filled, as it becomes when I'm stressful, so it's nice to have the knowledge that I'm meeting my 5k a day challenge to give me a little boost in sense of self.

Tonight, I waited until long after the sun went down before heading out for my 5k.  It's been super hot and humid, to the point that I've started scheduling my day around when the hourly forecast predicts driest, coolest, least humid temperatures.  I managed to catch a nice breeze tonight and it wasn't bad!

I decided to do 5:2 intervals.  I wish I could tell you there's some sort of rhyme or reason to how I decided to run/walk the 5k each day, but it's really just a gut decision that I don't think lots about.  I decided I should have some good jogging time today, but I knew I wouldn't be able to work on my speed too much -- it's too dark with not enough street lights to really run quickly.  I'd be flat on my face within the first half mile.  Anyhow, I looked down on the first 5 minute section and was doing a 9 minute pace!  I certainly didn't keep that up, but it's nice to know the walking has been keeping me loose.

Unfortunately, I didn't successfully manage to turn off my MapMyRun tracker, so my distance/time includes stopping to a slow walk and doing some stretching when I saw I had done the 5k distance.

The 5k

3.13 miles in 42:37

13:35 min/mile average pace

Splits:  13:13/13:42/13:40/14:55 (<-- See?)

I mean, just look at that max pace.  That I hit for about 5 seconds.

The Workout

56 squats

65 seconds plank

18 modified push ups

My upper body strength is really lacking.  I'm glad I'm making myself do the push ups, but boy, I'm not good at them.

Till tomorrow, good reader(s).

Punishment vs. Discipline

How many times do we do something and think we should punish ourselves for it?

"I can't believe I had all that pizza.  I'm not gonna let myself have junk food for a week."

"Ugh, I was lazy and slept in SO late.  Extra mile on my run tonight."

We do it all the time to ourselves, and of course we do -- it's how we were raised, or how society has trained us.  Gee, you're a bad fatty for eating that quarter pounder with cheese (Or a "royale with cheese" if you're a Pulp Fiction fan), so you'd better punish yourself for it by jogging off those calories.  

And yet, most parenting resources talk about "punishment" as a form of discipline -- letting there be natural bad consequences to actions, and reinforcing good behavior while discouraging bad behavior.

This Focus on the Family article has a great table on the difference between discipline and punishment.  

And at the end of the day, it is about motivation and implementation.  (There are countless resources that all espouse the same ideas -- just google "don't discipline while angry" and "punishment vs. discipline".  Far better writers share these ideas much more eloquently than I can.)

Punishment for the sake of punishment results in guilt, feelings of self-loathing, embarrassment, etc.  It's a subconscious "I don't deserve good things" voice in our head.  Discipline, on the other hand, is about the future -- making it the best it can be, learning new and great habits because you deserve the benefits that come with it.

And there should be consequences for our actions.  And there should be things we aspire to do.  But appropriateness is important.  An over-simplified example that doesn't quite fit in the real world but gets the point across:

Joe is a little boy suffering from a vitamin deficiency that can best be remedied by eating spinach.  Poor little Joe absolutely hates spinach, and he refuses to eat it.  In fact, he throws a temper tantrum when he has to.  Mom could a) require that he eat the suggested about of spinach, and if he continues to misbehave, deal with that separately, or b) require that Joe eat 4 times the amount of required spinach despite his misery, out of punishment for getting into the situation to begin with, and out of spite for frustration. 

Okay, so that's obviously ridiculous.  But how many times does a binge eater fail to follow a food plan 100% and then punish himself by eating everything in sight?  Punishment instead of grace.

How often have you heard that girl who needs to run 6 miles tonight because she was "so bad" and ate horribly this morning?  Exercise becoming a punishment instead of a disciplined habit.

Have you heard a story about a patient being diagnosed with Type II Diabetes and spiraling into a life of denial and embarrassment?  Responses disproportionate and unhelpful to the problem.

Punishment vs. Discipline vs. Abuse

Let's take it a step further.  This Huff Post article talks about how when parents discipline while angry, the punishment can cross the border into abuse, both legally and morally.  And how often do we do that to ourselves?  How often do we get angry at ourselves about our behaviors, and fall into a cycle of self-abuse: negative self-talk, miserable workouts, horrible moods because we hate ourselves?  

Cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Letting it Affect our Goals

I think this is where the tire hits the road for me.  Why am I picking the challenges I'm doing or the ones I'm planning on in the future?  Is it to punish myself and "fix" something "wrong" with me?  Or is it to replace habits with better ones?

Am I deciding on these things out of a punishment for who or what I am, or to discipline myself into a better future?

---

If we wouldn't talk to someone we love like that . . . if we wouldn't treat our best friends like that . . . if we wouldn't discipline our children like that . . .

. . . then maybe we should be constantly evaluating our motivation for how we treat ourselves.

This has been more of a stream of consciousness than any sort of organized blog post, so I may edit and clarify as I reread this in the future.  Hopefully my point came across despite the more rambling nature today.

5k a day -- Day 8

Not gonna lie, I kinda phoned it in today.  I had the day off, and dedicated to board prep, so I slept in much later than normal.  By the time I woke up, it was well over 90 degrees and more muggy than two rats screwing in a wool sock.  I studied all day, then simply walked the 5k tonight.

And that's okay.  I don't have to want to do my challenge every day.  I just have to do it, especially on the days I don't feel like it.

So I did.  Wandered around the dark neighborhood in air so thick you could feel the weight of it pressing down on your shoulders.

The 5k:

5k in 1:11:53

23:11 min/mile average pace

Splits:  22:58/23:06/23:27/22:52

The Workout:

54 squats

60 seconds plank

17 modified push ups

A thought on squats:

I had always done wide-stance squats.  One day Paul volunteered to do my squats with me, and I noticed he was doing narrow based squats -- something it had never occurred to me to do.  After that, I wondered which was better, since they felt like they worked different muscles.  Instead of researching it like the scientist I am, I got lazy and decided just to split my squats half wide and half narrow.

Tonight I decided to do a little research on it.  And I found this link on bodybuilding.com basically saying that wide stance squats are more powerful, more versatile, safer, and all around better.  Other articles, like this one and this one say it depends on who you are, how you're built, and what your goals are.

So, for now, I guess I'll keep splitting them 50/50 as long as I can keep good form.

---

Part of 30 day challenges is calling it in if you have to.  As long as I do the minimum, I win.  So, I win. :)

5k a day -- Day 7

Tonight was a pseudo date night for Paul and me.  I've been studying for boards and work has been super crazy for him, so we decided my 5k would be a good excuse to go for a walk together tonight and catch up.  I'm so glad we did it -- I've been incredibly stressed (the life of a senior medical student applying for residencies could fill a whole other blog) and the walk really helped me recenter and unwind.

The 5k:

5k in 1:11:55

23:01 min/mile average pace

Splits:  22:45/22:45/22:38/29:08

The Workout:

52 squats

55 seconds plank

16 modified push ups

Note to self: don't wait until after dinner to do that many squats.  Oy vey.  

Dinner, just to brag, was delicious:  steaks with bleu cheese crumbles, broccoli, garlic bread . . . mmm

By the way, Paul says he can already see the difference the squats are making in my butt.  I have no idea if he's just saying that to be nice or what, but any excuse for my fiancé to look at my butt is fine with me. :)

Active vs. Passive

In these two 30 day challenges I've worked on (Whole30 completed(!) and 5k a Day in progress), my goal was to continue to exercise my "willpower muscle", but I'm finding that I'm actually exercising two very different willpower muscles.

The Passive Challenge

The Whole30 involved a lot of active work -- shop for certain things, do menu research, do a lot of meal prep -- but in actuality was a very passive type of challenge:  you didn't have to add something to your life, you had to not do something for 30 days:
      Don't eat grains.
      Don't eat sweeteners or added sugar.
      Don't eat legumes.
      Don't eat emotionally.
      etc.

At first it was hard to break those habits, but eventually saying "no" to myself became a lot easier.  It became second nature.  Sure, it was annoying and sometimes just damned inconvenient, but the "no" was what got easier.

The Active Challenge

In my attempt to continue that 30 day challenge result, I started this 5k a Day/Core Workout challenge.  And guys, it's totally different.  Instead of "don't do", I'm adding "do."

      Do walk/run 5k every day.

      Do squats every day.

      Do planks every day.

      etc.

I'm using a totally different willpower muscle this month.  It's the "active voice", if you're into literature at all.  It's saying "Yes" to things.  Here I am trying to continue the same thing as 30 Day Challenge 1, but I'm not even working the same muscle!

How Passive and Active Play Off Each Other

My best friend, D, practices Buddhism.  We happened to have a conversation today about her future ordination into the first level of Buddhist leadership, and she mentioned the "don't take a life" rule.  I asked if that meant she needed to be vegetarian, and her reply was basically no, with a great explanation, and it ended with:

The vow is "I undertake the training of life-affirming action" . . . . in Zen the vows are flipped from "don't do this" to "do this". 

She also suffers from fibromyalgia, and she was able to make another connection between her practice of Buddhism and her day-to-day life as a sufferer of chronic pain:

. . . with fibro, you have to think in terms of what you can do, vs the opposite.

---

In the human body muscles often occur in pairs: to flex your arm, you contract your biceps and relax your triceps; to extend your arm, vice versa.  When body-builders work muscle groups, they do them in pairs, because they know balance is key.  Strong biceps with weak triceps can lead to damage, injury or pain.  At the very least, it leads to dysfunction.

So as with all things in life, here is another area which seems blatantly obvious once I've thought of it, but was like a lightbulb moment in the difference between what I'm training myself to do each month.

So, Future Challenges?

I guess one of the things I'll have to decide is if I should alternate the active vs. passive willpower challenges, make sure there's a component of each every challenge, or not take it into account at all.

Not sure what the best answer is, and as I'm only a week into this more Active Willpower challenge, I'll keep paying attention to what I learn and how I grow throughout the rest of the 30 days.

5k a day -- Day 6

Oops, I did my Day 7 straight-out 5k a day early.  For some reason I had it in my head I had decided to do it on Day 6.  Oh well.

The Run:

5k in 36:30

11:46 min/mile average pace

Splits:  11:59/11:52/11:36/10:27

I have to say I'm pretty happy with this run.  Not only was I consistent, but my splits improved, and I was significantly faster than Day 1.  I think this may be a personal best for me, but I'm not 100% sure.  For me this pace had my heart rate up pretty well the whole way.

The workout:

50 squats

50 seconds plank

15 modified push ups

Oh, and hey!  Shout out to whoever subscribed to this on their RSS feed.  It made me feel warm and fuzzy today. 

5k a day -- Day 5

Almost did a plain jog 5k today but realized I needed to have full reserves for the one in the morning. Decided on a 1 mile jog then 3:1 intervals.

Turns out, it was 90 degrees and sunny at my third favorite running park, so I was grateful for the choice about 2 miles in. 

The run:

5k in 41:22

13:21 min/mi average pace

Splits: 12:17/13:21/14:36/11:31

I also meandered through some of the mountain biking trails during that third mile. Some are actually banked, which was a new jogging experience for me. 

Also, this view isn't done justice by the picture:

Anyhow. 

The workout:

48 squats
45 seconds plank

14 modified push ups 

My legs are finally starting to get used to this. See ya tomorrow!

5k a day -- Day 4

Last night's blissful and much needed sleep was broken by quite the storm.  Freakout out my cat, woke me up for an hour, and wreaked (wrought?) havoc on trees and power lines in the area.

Paul told me to skip my run this morning and he'd walk with me tonight, and after the crazy night, I was happy to agree.  Too bad one of his machines at work decided to malfunction and he (as of 9:30pm) was still at work.  So I took a walk this evening, alone.

I was the only one who wasn't walking their:
a)  freaking adorable baby
b)  freaking adorable dog
c)  newly acquired Pokémon via Pokémon go
d)  a combination of the above

In between bouts of cursing him in my head (I mean, come on, my uterus is pinging here watching all this and he left me to do it alone when I could have had a nice cool run in the dark this morning?!?) I was dodging cables, branches, twigs, and half-trees that were on the ground.

Okay, so maybe it's a good thing I didn't try to run in the wee hours and end up tripping over electrical obstacles.  As it was, I enjoyed the stroll and spent time alternating avoiding and inspecting the damage, and had a nice, relaxing walk.

Except for some family down the street that decided their pitbull doesn't need to be on a leash.

( . . . )

Anyhow.

The Walk:

5k in 1:06:56

21:33 min/mile average pace

Splits:  21:45/21:55/20:50/22:33 

And the Workout:

46 squats

40 seconds plank

13 modified push ups

Today also gave me a chance to compare the distance calculated by my fitbit to my GPS.  When my GPS hit 3.1, my fitbit was at 2.9something.  I guess I'll have to calibrate stride length.

5k a day -- Day 3

I know better than to eat before a run.  I really do.  Wait, let's do numbers first, and then I'll explain why they look a little funky.

The Run

5k in 53:20

17:12 min/mi average pace

Splits:  11:45/20:50/18:35/21:38

And the workout:

44 squats

35 seconds plank

12 modified push ups

Back to the story:

I generally don't eat anything before a run -- my body just doesn't like it.  But I slept in today, so I didn't run immediately upon waking.  Plus, the weather was perfect so there was a great reason to head to my favorite park for the run.  So given the later run, and the 35ish minute drive to get to that park, I figured I could/should eat something small and that by the time I got dressed and got started, the food would be pretty settled.

I was wrong.

The plan was to just jog a slow, easy 5k, so I was pleased when I looked down to see my first mile was 11:45 -- faster than my usual time.  But then.  *gurgle*  Huh?   *grumble*  Damn. 

I slowed down to a walk, hoping less jostling = less upset.  No dice.  The path at this beautiful park is a 5k loop, and by now, I was at the far end of it.  So that 20:50 second mile was mostly me looking around for a bathroom.

Also no dice.

I spent the rest of the 5k walking back to the entrance (where there are bathrooms) alternating "I should get there quickly as possible and speedwalk/run" with "no, no bouncy, no bouncy, nice and smooth."

I know, TMI.  

Here, as an apology for the TMI, and so you can see why I love running here so much, have a picture of the trail. 

At the end of the day, I did my 5k, and it ended up turning into an active rest.

5k a day -- Day 2

I won't lie -- it's hard to get out of bed on a Saturday morning.  But the gray, cool weather was perfect for a run, so get up I did.

In an effort to improve my speed, I decided today's 5k would involve HIIT-type running.  I'd run at a faster pace for 3 minutes, then walk for a minute, then repeat.  Yesterday's average was over 12:00/mile, so I was amazing for 11:00/mile during that 3 minute period.  To be honest, MapMyRun wasn't really accurate enough to keep track of pace (it kept bouncing all over the place) so I just aimed for a higher level of exertion:  somewhere in the "this is hard" range.

I made it 2 miles using the 3:1 HIIT plan, although I did add an extra walk minute in between interval sets 5 and 6.  After that, I walked an 1/8 of a mile, jogged for 5 minutes, and alternated walk/jog for the rest of the distance

And guys, it was hard.  I was pushing myself during those 3 minute periods.  I'm hoping to add another interval every time I do that.

Bonus:  saw about 7 rabbits during my run.

So here are the numbers for today:

5k in 40:38

 13:05 min/mi average pace

Splits: 12:53/12:35/14:04/10:23

And the workout:

42 squats

30 seconds plank

11 modified push ups

A little about my post-Whole30 diet:

You can follow me on MyFitnessPal at DocWhitney and see what I've been eating.  The day after my Whole30 ended, my fiancé and I went to one of our favorite restaurants and pigged out a bit.  But I didn't actually crave that junk food.  I thought I did, but my body really wanted clean protein and fruits and veggies.

Today I'm studying for boards at Panera, and one of my favorite things used to be to keep a Diet Caffeine Free Coke from their fountain around to sip from while I studied.  Today, I threw it out -- it tasted way too much like chemicals for me!  I'm gonna stick with my caffeine free life for now, and I've got a water with lemon in front of me and a decaf earl grey tea (yes, with cream and sweetener) instead.   Edit:  the earl grey tea didn't sit well with me.  Maybe the cream?  Ugh, I hope I don't have a milk allergy or lactose intolerance.

I'm thrilled with how my brain might still crave comfort food/junk (tells me how much was psychological) but my body wants healthier food.

5k a day -- Day 1

Day 1

I did it -- I got out of bed, got dressed, and went out for a run around the neighborhood.  How was it?  Well, not bad, till about mile 2.5 when I started to get pretty hot.  I don't know if the humidity spiked or something.  The people in my neighborhood are uniformly anal about watering their lawns first thing in the morning, resulting in a creative run of "avoid that sprinkler" if I'm not hot enough yet to enjoy the spray.  But when the sun comes up hits all that water lying on the sidewalk, it's sad trombone time for people who don't like humidity.

Starting numbers:

Measurements
	Day 1	Day 30
Weight	179.1
BMI	30.8
Bust	41
Bra Line	37.5
Natural Waist	37
Upper Belly	42
Belly Button	41.5
Hips	43.75
R Thigh	24
R Calf	16.25
Neck	14
R bicep	12.75
R Forearm	10.75

Okay, not horrible.  Hilariously, according to Active.com's body fat % calculator, I'm at 28% body fat.  But my size 14 butt doesn't believe that for a minute.

So on to the run:

5k in 38:46

12:29 min/mi average pace

Splits:  12:45/12:24/12:22/12:12

And the workout:

40 squats

20 seconds plank (way too easy -- will inrease this more than planned tomorrow)

5 modified push ups (will also increase this tomorrow)

Feels good to be starting a new challenge.  Let's see how it goes.

5k Every Day -- I'm doing what? Why?

A little bit of history here:

Two days ago I completed day 30 of my first ever round of Whole30.  I didn't do it out of concern for food allergies, or anything like that, but because I moved in with my fiancé, Paul.

See, Paul is that guy who can have his favorite food in front of him and eat exactly 1 serving and be 100% satisfied.  I, on the other hand, just don't buy the food -- I'd rather just not have it around than trust my willpower.  But now, here we were, living together, and I'm surrounded by the kind of food that I would never buy.  Plus, I love to bake him his favorite treats, like the beer bread he toasts for breakfast every day.

After a few days of living together, I realized that my willpower was not in condition to handle this.  My friend Dustin had just introducted me to Whole30 as he completed a round, so one Monday night, as Paul and I sat at Pei Wei for our normal Monday night date night, I told him about my scheme to start Whole30 that night at midnight.  I'd do Whole30 -- I'd reset my body's cravings while making self-control a habit at the same time.

The look on his face was a little skeptical, but hey, can't blame him -- Whole30 is a huge lifestyle change.

But you know what?  I did it.  30 days of no legumes, dairy, sweeteners, grains, soy, etc.  And the part that worked for me was the zero-tolerance -- there was no "I can just have a little" about it.  Zip.  Zero.  Zilch.  None.

So I completed Whole30, 11 pounds lighter and physically craving very different foods than I was mentally (my brain and tongue still think they want the cookie dough in the fridge, but my stomach is asking for fruit), and what I enjoyed the most out of it was flexing my willpower muscle.

This is a thing, y'all.

Neuronal connections in the brain strengthen and increase the more you use a thought path.  That's why repetition helps you learn things.  Willpower is just like that -- the more you get used to the thought pattern that you have to do something hard/you don't like/inconvenient/against your cravings, the better you get at being able to do that in the future!

So what now?

Okay, science aside . . .
My Whole30 is over, but I'm finding that practicing willpower/self-control in one area of my life really did carry over to other areas of my life.  Also, it was a great feeling of accomplishment at midnight on day 30 knowing I had set out to do something hard and I had done it.

So I decided this 30 day challenge would become a thing for me.

This time -- 5k a day for 30 days.

I've completed 3 half-marathons, most using a run/walk ratio method that I really like.  But I don't find myself getting faster and my running has been inconsistent lately.  And the scientist in me would absolutely love to track as many metrics as possible.

The Plan:

So for each of the next 30 days:

• I will complete a 5k 
• I can walk, jog, run, or a combination of any of the above.
• On days 1, 7, 13, 19, 25, and 30 I must run the whole 5k non-stop
• This will allow me to compare times/paces throughout this process
• On other days, I can walk to provide an active rest day, run the whole thing, or do interval/speed work.
• I will complete a core workout:
• squats (increasing by 2 daily)
• plank (increasing by 5 seconds daily)
• push-ups (increasing by 1 daily)
• Things I will track:
• Weight -- I'm debating how frequently I should measure this
• Times per distance
• Heart rate:
• Resting, post-meditation
• Peak, at end of workout
• Measurements
• Hopefully I'll get some pictures up too

Whelp, here I go.