FitBit 30 -- Day 1

Obviously today is day 2, but hey, I can't post about a day's caloric expenditures until after midnight, so . . .

For the first day of 2017, I . . .

• slept in.
• missed church.
• made the hubby breakfast in bed.
• lazed about.
• went on a long walk in a really cool park.
• bought groceries.
• made dinner.
• lost 2 games of Rummikube and a Nerf gun war.
• went to bed super early because I had to be at work by 6am.

Calories out:  2414

Calories in: 1254

Deficit/surplus:  -1160

So I ended up under my calorie goal, but not by much!

I also managed to hit my steps and water goals.  w00t.

Part of me feels like these more passive challenges are a cop-out, like I should be kneeling at the altar of health by adding new habits and sacrificing time and blood and money.  But realistically, doesn't it make more sense to just make sure the things I have to do anyhow (like eat, sleep, breathe) aren't working against me in the long run?

So the park I found was a fluke that showed up on my Google Maps during a run on a different trail.  It took me a few times of trial and error to find it, but a few months ago, I did!  It's this crazy wooded area, absolutely chock full of fallen trees.  The weird thing is, it's one of the most grown-over areas I've ever hiked, but it's also developed in some spots, like trees being shaped or grinded down for mountain biking (?) and the such.

Paul on a downed tree that's been turned into a ramp!

And just when the place couldn't seem more grown-over, you get to a beautiful dammed up stream that creates a lovely waterfall, with a building from a local university in the background.

Not a bad way to start the new year.

5k a day -- Day 23

I had a crazy schedule the past few days and a stressful day with work, so I was looking forward to my walk tonight -- after running for two days, I had planned on a nice, relaxing walk.

Super humid out, but I just walked with no music.  So I'm not quite sure why Pokémon Go! is such a huge addiction for people.  But I will say I had no music or audiobook or partner for my walk tonight, and it was nice to have running in my hand and just forget about it.  And then, every so often, a pokémon would appear, which added a little variety to keep me awake.  So I guess it was a nice tool to have?  But I'm still not getting it . . . maybe because I never played/watched it as a kid.

The 5k:

5k in 1:13:02

23:34 min/mile average pace

Splits: 22:13/23:23/24:37/29:39

I mean, I may have been pausing frequently for pokémon.

The Workout:

84 squats

90 seconds plank

32 modified push ups (these are feeling much better)

5k a day -- Day 22

I *think* I ran my fast mile in quite a while today, but I can't tell, because MapMyRun doesn't seem to keep track of that as an option, which is a bummer.  I'd love an option that tracks how my mile and 5k times change over time.

It was hot, and we're out of sunscreen, but I went out anyhow.  My first mile was 11:02, which included a 42 second phone call with Paul, during which I walked (yes, I answered . . . we were waiting on important news) and I ran the rest of it best I could.

So even though it says 11:01, I think it was more like a 10:45 pace!  Yay me!

The rest of the workout I did intervals for -- God, running in this heat sucks.

The 5k:

5k in 42:09

13:37 min/mile average pace

Splits: 11:01/17:22/11:58/18:07

The Workout:

82 squats

90 seconds plank

31 modified push ups

5k a day -- Day 21

Yes, yes, I know.  I purposefully switched my schedule to start running in the morning.  My ER shifts have been crazy -- they end anywhere from 4pm to 5am.  So the only way to do this is to run before work.

But on days like today when I got home from work super late last night and actually wanted a full night's sleep, it means I don't get to start running till it's way too hot for my taste.  And that's what I did today.

I ran 1.6 miles, then hit pause for a quick water break at a park drinking fountain I pass (our city water actually tastes decent!) and somehow actually "ended" my run on MapMyRun . . . which is hard to do, since you have to slide to end it.  Anyhow, I restarted my run, obviously.  But I can't really post averages or splits since it's all broken up.  I did intervals for the last 1.5 miles.  I hate hot weather.

I was complaining about it to Paul when I got back (because what else are fiancés for?) and he wondered if I'd acclimate to hot weather running if I did more of it, instead of avoiding it like the plague.  I wonder about this.  Would I?  Would my body adapt more?  Or would the fact I live in a very air conditioned world undo any acclimation?

Anyone have any thoughts?

But anyhoo, all I can tell you is my overall time for today and the pace for my first mile and my last mile.

The 5k:

5k in 43:00 . . . ish.

?:? min/mile average pace

Splits: 11:57/?/?/15:09

The Workout:

80 squats

90 seconds plank 

30 modified push ups

Apparently my butt is looking a lot different.  Too bad it's kinda hard for me to tell, what with it being behind me and all.

5k a day -- Day 20

I didn't run yesterday.  This wasn't an oops or a "this doesn't matter to me" or anything like that.  This was I had gotten home late from a shift in the ER and had two options -- spend an hour doing my 5k (even with running, there's changing, showering, etc., so more than 40 minutes) or go to sleep so I could be up for my next shift.  And at the end of the day, I looked at my options, and I *had* to sleep.
I was talking to Paul about this whole challenge and the difficulty I was having with it, and he basically said, "Well, you decided to do an 'active' challenge where you have to find/make time to do something every day during one of the busiest times of your life."  And it's true.  Boards, wedding planning, crazy shifts in the ER . . . probably poor planning on my part.

And that's not to be an excuse -- in the future, I just need to look ahead better at the 30 days the challenge will cover before I decide what it'll be.  For example, I'd probably have less problem doing Whole30 again this month, but that's cause it's more passive.

Anyhow.  Gotta make choices that are best for long term.  And when it came down to 5k vs. sleep so I can make it through the shift that might be helping me earn a residency, I picked option B.

So today, we went on a walk together to catch up, cause we actually haven't seen much of each other lately.  Unfortunately we had pizza for dinner, and my stomach wasn't having it, requiring our route to swing back by the house half-way through.  Also, the tummy upset pretty much prevented the workout part of the 5k.

The 5k:

3.16 miles in 1:08:32

21:39 min/mile average pace

Splits: 20:35/21:08/22:58/22:56

So, I'm not sure if I have any readers, and really, this is more for me, but I was thinking about whether the people reading this would be disappointed I took another day "off" from the challenge.  I mean, that's #3, right?

But for me, I have to balance intent, life priorities, and long-term consequences.  So maybe I can learn from it better -- plan out my days better, etc., but I've gotta be gentle with myself in the meantime.

5k a day -- Day 19

Sorry for the boring posts, but it's late, and my new rotation at the hospital has killer hours.  I just walked tonight.  Although I think my MapMyRun was acting up, cause I'm pretty sure my times were way faster than it showed.

The 5k:

5k in 1:10:38

22:47 min/mile average pace

Splits: 22:44/23:39/21:48/20:57

Although, the times may be off cause I got bored on last night's walk and downloaded Pokemon Go out of desperation.  And stopped to catch a few tonight.

The Workout:

76 squats

90 seconds plank

28 modified push ups

5k a day -- Day 18

The 5k:

5k in 1:06:07

21:21 min/mile average pace

Splits:  23:10/19:06/21:48/20:55

The Workout:

74 squats

90 seconds plank (I'm reverting to 90 because my form is starting to suffer in an attempt to go longer.)

27 modified push ups

5k a day -- Day 17

This evening sucked.  My life can be stressful, as I'm sure yours can be.  Somehow I made it out the door for a run, in a pissy mood, which is an understatement.  Sometimes life is just so stressful, overwhelming, frustrating, and disappointing that a run is awesome, cause you can cry while you run and people think it's just the sweat on your face.

I, however, was running in the dark, and my city is poorly lit with lots of trees.  Which means less than a mile in I tripped on uneven sidewalk and managed to eat asphalt.

Sunburned legs + Road rash = ow.

I walked some.  I ran some.  Maybe like half and half for the first two miles?  Or more running than walking?  I dunno.  By mile 3 my leg was throbbing.  I dunno, but I did it.  That's all I've got, folks.

The 5k:

5k in 47:33

15:21 min/mile average pace

Splits:  14:41/13:18/17:25/21:54

The Workout:

72 squats

105 seconds plank

26 modified push ups

A bit of failure -- 5k a Day -- Days 17 and 18

I'm almost glad I didn't complete this challenge 100% perfectly, because it gives me a chance to address that.

Day 17 (take 1)

On Sunday, we rolled out of the tent and into the freshly-rain-washed campground, headed up to the central office, and signed up for tubing.  We had just enough time to read a chapter in our books (it felt so good to read for pleasure after boards.  I read some real brain candy, The Red Queen, by Victoria Aveyard, and it was so nice to not read something for school), and then packed up the cooler and headed to the river.  It was about a 4-5 hour tubing trip down the Rifle River.   The trip started out cloudy and about 73°, so not the most ideal tubing weather, but it ended up warming up nicely.

The trip was incredible.  We were so relaxed and lazy, I even dozed off once.  Paul amused himself by using sticks to steer us and get us out of tangles.  It was cool enough that it wasn't until the sun really came out from behind the clouds (after about 3 hours) that we thought about applying the sunscreen we had brough with us, which we did with great purpose.

And by then it was too late.  Guys, cloudy days can still burn ya!  My shoulders and face were okay because they're already mildly tanned, by my poor pasty white legs were burned from below my knees up to the tops of my thighs.  That's an uncomfortable feeling.  Paul fared even worse -- he looks like a lobster on the front of him.

It was stupid of us -- we both believe in sun safety and protecting your skin.  We're a little embarrassed we failed to take care of ourselves!

Anyhow, we hobbled back to camp after our trip, and took turns pulling the heat out of our burns with towels soaked in the spring water the camp pipes up, which was ice cold.  Repeat, repeat, repeat, do it more.  Paul's feet were so burned he couldn't even put shoes on.

There was no 5k gonna be happening that evening.  Neither of us felt like we could physically do it with our burns.  No workout, either.

Day 18 (take 2)

We crawled (slowly) out of our tent, testing the tensile strength of our burned skin. 

We (slowly) packed up camp and loaded the car.

We headed west to Houghton Lake, MI, where some friends of ours have a cabin, and we had committed to hanging out with them the last day of our vacation.  This was awesome cause:

a) they are awesome people

b) they have a boat

c) they have tubes for their boat

This was not awesome because:

a) we were both still incredibly burned

Poor Paul.  Walking was painful for him.  But we slathered up with aloe, lidocaine, and sunscreen, and decided we could handle sitting on the boat.  The water felt amazing on our burns, and we even got in a tiny bit of tubing, but the plastic tube was too brutal for our skin.  Also, I forgot that when wearing pigtails, one should apply sunscreen to one's hair part.  Or one's scalp will be painful to use a comb on.

By the time we got home last night, it was 9.  I unpacked the car while Paul reapplied lidocaine to his legs, and we passed out early.  Pain and a busy day = no 5k, no workout.

Not quite as planned

So there it is guys.  Two days where I didn't get my 5k or workout in.  I'll be doing a 5k tonight hopefully, and it'll be Day 17, version 2.0.  I did get over 10000 steps each day I didn't do the 5k, but it doesn't fall into the spirit of this challenge.

So what can I learn from this?

First of all -- if you fail to plan, you plan to fail.  Yup, cliché but true.  I didn't plan for hiking/running paths when we booked our campsite (which was done last-minute).  By not making the 5k a priority in our planning, it because incredibly hard to do.

It's about intention -- from having to substitute a workout bike for 2 days to meandering around camp for the 5k, I still did the "active" portion of this challenge those days by intentionally completing a 5k.  Rigorous adherence to rules is less important than intention, especially in an active challenge.

Falling off the horse is one thing -- watching it run away from you is another.

We're all going to make mistakes.  We're all going to fail to meet goals.  What is just as important is what happens next. Do we say "oh, I failed to do part N, so forget about parts O-Z"?  Nope.  Getting back on the horse is just as important a habit to build as these 30 day challenges.  Not letting that small failure turn into a bigger one is good practice at preventing negative thinking and self-sabotage.

Ever been on a diet and gone over your calorie limit for the day?  What are your choices?

Choice A) Figure out how to "earn" those calories back in your bank with a workout deposit.

Choice B) Say "whoops", and stop right there, being gentile with yourself.

Choice C) Say "fuck it", and go get that Chipotle burrito with everything on it, followed by Coldstone Creamery ice cream for dessert, and snack on chips during your Netflix binge, because it's already screwed up.

I'd say choices A and B are both perfectly fine!  Choice C is what we have to train ourselves to avoid.  It's self-sabotage at its best.  And it doesn't mean you don't hold yourself to stringent standards, or that you're "accepting failure".  You're accepting your human-ness.  Which is probably a good thing to come to terms with, since it probably won't be changing any time soon.

So today I practice chasing down that horse and getting back on, even when I missed two days of this challenge.  

Bonus pictures:

You can already see the red starting on my chest.

Our little cooler is seen floating in the background

5k a Day -- Day 15, Day 16

Note:  this is a "catch up" post, as I was without internet service from Saturday till last night.

Day 15

We got to the campsite after dark, set up camp, and walked around to check out the camp site.  We did the 5k just by walking around.  The site was in a hilly part of the norther Lower Penninsula, in the middle of nowhere.  Unfortunately, the site straddled a major country road with frequent speeding traffic, and was generally unsuitable for hikes/walks.  We made large loops around the camp, trying to avoid interloping on others' campsites.

There was no way I was going to be able to jog at this campground, so walk it I did.

Also, without cell service, I had to rely on my trusty steps via my Fitbit to track my distance, so I do have proof I did it.

Also, we made tacos over the campfire.  Don't tell me that's not impressive.

The Pot is the only real convenience we take for food prep.  Paul cut the beans open with a pocket knife.

I mean, delicious.

The 5k:

Yeah, I don't have any times, etc.  It was a 5k, plus a little.  But at least I did it.

And 6.something miles total for the day

The Workout:

68 squats

95 seconds plank

24 modified push ups

I did these on the tarp outside the tent, and I'll say working my abs to keep from sliding down the tarp added a lot to the workout.

Day 16:

I walked around the camp again to get the 5k, but my fitbit was almost dead at this point, and we had no electricity on site, so I have no proof of such a thing.  I did, in fact do it.  

The 5k: 

We headed over to a nearby village to try to find walking paths.  Maybe even running paths!  But we were thwarted.  They had about a quarter mile of good paths, but these were interrupted by a classic car show going on.  We explored the tiny riverwalk, walked through another campground, and wandered the city, trying to find an ATM and hit our 3.1 miles.  We eventually did, but it was a mess, y'all.

What a mess this was.  Lots of dead-ends, as you can tell from the map.

This isn't even worth tracking the times.

We did find ice cream though:

Mine was blue moon and watermelon sorbet.  Seriously, great combination.

The Workout:

Failure.

Guys, I didn't get the workout done.  After the 5k, we headed back to camp and sat down to make dinner at the campfire while we still had a few minutes of light, but those minutes and that light were quickly gone.  A massive rainstorm came through -- basically a deluge of Biblical proportions.  We quickly stuffed two hotdogs in the fire, and retreated (soaked) to the protection of our tent.  

It continued to pour until around 4 or 5am, and when I say pour, I mean pour.  And I simply wasn't up to getting on my hands and knees in the mud and rain to do the workout.  (There was no room in the tent.)  Not when we had no power, limited dry clothes, etc.  But, at least I got the 5k done.

5k a day -- Day 14

I took my boards today.  400 questions.  9 hours total.  I don't have much more to say, because just mentioning it has me exhausted.

We went to Presque Isle park to walk on the beach and catch the sunset.  It was beautiful, but not conducive to a 3 mile walk, though we did walk almost a mile.  The sand there is deep and rough, and it was painful to walk in.

See how rough the sand is?  And how much I need a pedicure?

I tried again at the hotel -- another lady walking on the treadmill (well, alternating that and yelling at her kids who were in the pool), and the other equipment still broken, so yet another biking 5k for me.

(Side note:  Really, Hilton Garden Inn?  2 broken exercise machines and a broken hot tub?  Sad panda, and since these amenities were some of the reasons I picked your hotel, unhappy-money-panda, too.)

Can't wait to get back to the "real thing", believe it or not.

The 5k:

Yeah.

Yay bike.

The Workout:

66 squats

90 seconds plank

23 modified push ups

My arms seem to alternate days.  Yesterday's 22 MPUs were miserable to do.  Today, the 23 weren't bad.  Who knows?

I'm spent, emotionally, physically, mentally.  So that's all.

5k a day -- Day 13

Gonna be a short post today.  In less than 12 hours I'll be knee-deep in the last hurdle between me and being a doctor.

Got to my hotel today (I find it important to have a quiet, controlled, cleaned-for-you environment before these things) and studied a bit.  Then headed down to their gym for my 5k.  They have two treadmills, one elliptical, and and a stationary bike.  The first treadmill was taken by some lady walking, so I hopped on the other treadmill.  It was out of order.  So I hopped on the treadmill.  Not only was it adjusted for a very tall person, but the resistance was broken on it.  So, stationary bike it was.

I felt guilty knowing I was biking and not walking/running the 5k, and I knew I'd be done a lot faster than usual, so I bumped the resistance up to 10 and made sure I'd be working hard for the whole time.   I have to say, my legs and butt definitely felt it, even more than when doing my squats.

iPhone apps are not handling the iOS 10 beta well, so I'm in the process of rolling back to iOS 9 for now . . . unfortunately, until that's done, MayMyRun is still no-go.

The 5k:

Not even gonna list times/splits, cause it's not fair.

Look, you can even see my practice questions, courtesy of Combank

The Workout:

64 squats (my knees are killing me today)

85 seconds plank

22 modified push ups

5k a day -- Day 12

Guys, I'm about to lose it.  Boards are two days away, and on the surface I feel find about it, but then I realize I've had mild/weird nightmares the past few nights, am irritable, and generally feeling a little emotionally labile.  Guess that means the anxiety is getting to me after all, at least on a subconscious level.

The weather was nice so I was going to run tonight, but I pulled up board review questions on my phone and did a set while I walked instead.

In good/other news, Marshmallow came running down the street to meet me.  While I was rubbing his belly, a family pulled up in a mini-van, and parked.  Apparently, Marshmallow is "Cloud" (which I think we can all agree is a much inferior name) and is one of 6 cats (I guess 4 are kittens?) in their house.  They let the two grown up cats outside during the day.  They seemed oblivious to the danger of their cat running up and down a well-driven road.  Despite the fact they called him and he came running, almost getting hit by a car in the process.  They also don't seem to realize both his eyes are infected, and he likely needs eye drops and a FelV (sp?) workup.  I did mention that the city is pretty strict about collars and licensing of animals, so they had better do that before the cats get picked up as strays.  It makes me sad that they're not being properly cared for, but at least Marshmallow Watch Day 3 ends with some answers.

The 5k:

5k in . . . .um. . . 

So I updated to the iOS 10 public beta, and my MapMyrRun app keeps crashing.  I can log workouts on it but I can't review them, and it hasn't uploaded them to the website.

So.  To be updated?

The Workout:

(At least I only keep track of the numbers for this part)

62 squats

80 seconds plank

21 modified push ups

5k a day -- Day 11

Walked with Paul tonight. Sometimes it seems like a cop out to do my 5k as a walk, but then I remember:

A) it's 5k a day, and that's the only guideline

B) my boards are Thursday, so having a quiet time to talk is very relaxing for me 

C) it also gives me the excuse to have a "date" with Paul, since all I've been doing is studying lately. 

We made it a point to walk to the other side of the neighborhood tonight. We just moved here in June, so there's a lot we haven't explored yet. 

What did I learn about the other side of the area? There's pot everywhere. Seriously we must have smelled it 6 different times in a half mile. 

I made it a point to take our walking path by where I met marshmallow last night, and there he was! He literally galloped across a yard to come get petted, and ate up all the attention Paul willingly gave him. We were able to see the house he hung out at, and that they had water bowls out for him and his little scaredy cat of a buddy we're calling Oreo. 

So our splits were affected by crossing a major road twice, and stopping to play with a kitty. 

The 5k:

5k in 1:09:51

22:28 min/mile average pace

Splits: 22:20/22:41/22:27/21:21

The Workout:

60 squats

75 seconds plank

20 modified push ups

I'm posting this from mobile so I'll update the layout and tags tomorrow. 

5k a day -- Day 10

Sometimes you have a plan.  Sometimes a little interloper messes with it.

I waited until I couldn't stand to do a single additional board review question, laced up, and headed out.  I had been sitting at my computer all day, so my intention was to walk a mile for a nice long warm up and de-stress, then run a mile.  Then for the third mile, I simply hadn't decided yet.

I walked my first mile.  My right hip gets pretty tight, so I'm working on stretching it out during the day, and paying good attention to my stride when I'm out.  That's the knee that hasn't been the same since jumping in and out of ambulances for 10 years, which means I try to watch how I hit the ground with that foot.

Anyhow, I hit mile 2 and started running.  About 0.3 miles in, I noticed a car stopping to shoo a kitty cat out of the street.  Kitty came running towards me, and I paused (and paused my timers) to make sure everything was alright.  He began to rub against my leg and beg for attention.  I petted him, and started walking.  Kitty kept following.

I walked for about a half a mile with this little white and blonde kitty following at my feet.  He only paused for rubbing up against me or plopping at my feet, begging to be petted.  He was fat, and obviously domesticated and well fed.  But no collar, and no claws.  I was torn -- he was dumb enough to lay down in the middle of the street, but he obviously had a home.  Was it safe to leave him?  

I turned my tracker back on and started retracing my steps back to where he had joined me.  He even followed me when I walked across the street to ask a couple out by their car if they knew who Marshmallow (he looked just like a toasted marshmallow so obviously that was his name) belonged to.  They had no idea.  I petted him while we chatted, and then he seemed content to lay there on the sidewalk, so that's where I left him.  I certainly hope he'll be okay, but it *was* nice to have a walking buddy for a half mile or so.

I also hope I'm not hurting his pride by calling a she a him, but in all honesty, I didn't check.

Sorry for the potato pic, but doesn't he look just like a toasted marshmallow?

I suppose I could get deeply philosophical and metaphysical about this and say the moral of today's story is that when our plans our ruined, it's worth being open to the change because you never know what new companion will come along side you.  But really, we can all agree that's reading too much into all of this, no?

My plan for the night now ruined (and having abandoned my new companion to his plop on the sidewalk), I walked for the rest of that mile, and then ran that last mile home.  My perceived rate of exertion for that last mile was fairly high, and I'm not sure why.

The 5k:

5k in 51:42

16:41 min/mile average pace

Splits:  20:41/17:27/11:35/19:57

The Workout:

58 squats

70 seconds plank

19 modified push ups

5k a day -- Day 9

The past couple days the stress has been getting to me.  Boards are on Thursday.  Also planning a wedding.  Also rotations.  Also PMS.  My diet has been craving-filled, as it becomes when I'm stressful, so it's nice to have the knowledge that I'm meeting my 5k a day challenge to give me a little boost in sense of self.

Tonight, I waited until long after the sun went down before heading out for my 5k.  It's been super hot and humid, to the point that I've started scheduling my day around when the hourly forecast predicts driest, coolest, least humid temperatures.  I managed to catch a nice breeze tonight and it wasn't bad!

I decided to do 5:2 intervals.  I wish I could tell you there's some sort of rhyme or reason to how I decided to run/walk the 5k each day, but it's really just a gut decision that I don't think lots about.  I decided I should have some good jogging time today, but I knew I wouldn't be able to work on my speed too much -- it's too dark with not enough street lights to really run quickly.  I'd be flat on my face within the first half mile.  Anyhow, I looked down on the first 5 minute section and was doing a 9 minute pace!  I certainly didn't keep that up, but it's nice to know the walking has been keeping me loose.

Unfortunately, I didn't successfully manage to turn off my MapMyRun tracker, so my distance/time includes stopping to a slow walk and doing some stretching when I saw I had done the 5k distance.

The 5k

3.13 miles in 42:37

13:35 min/mile average pace

Splits:  13:13/13:42/13:40/14:55 (<-- See?)

I mean, just look at that max pace.  That I hit for about 5 seconds.

The Workout

56 squats

65 seconds plank

18 modified push ups

My upper body strength is really lacking.  I'm glad I'm making myself do the push ups, but boy, I'm not good at them.

Till tomorrow, good reader(s).

Punishment vs. Discipline

How many times do we do something and think we should punish ourselves for it?

"I can't believe I had all that pizza.  I'm not gonna let myself have junk food for a week."

"Ugh, I was lazy and slept in SO late.  Extra mile on my run tonight."

We do it all the time to ourselves, and of course we do -- it's how we were raised, or how society has trained us.  Gee, you're a bad fatty for eating that quarter pounder with cheese (Or a "royale with cheese" if you're a Pulp Fiction fan), so you'd better punish yourself for it by jogging off those calories.  

And yet, most parenting resources talk about "punishment" as a form of discipline -- letting there be natural bad consequences to actions, and reinforcing good behavior while discouraging bad behavior.

This Focus on the Family article has a great table on the difference between discipline and punishment.  

And at the end of the day, it is about motivation and implementation.  (There are countless resources that all espouse the same ideas -- just google "don't discipline while angry" and "punishment vs. discipline".  Far better writers share these ideas much more eloquently than I can.)

Punishment for the sake of punishment results in guilt, feelings of self-loathing, embarrassment, etc.  It's a subconscious "I don't deserve good things" voice in our head.  Discipline, on the other hand, is about the future -- making it the best it can be, learning new and great habits because you deserve the benefits that come with it.

And there should be consequences for our actions.  And there should be things we aspire to do.  But appropriateness is important.  An over-simplified example that doesn't quite fit in the real world but gets the point across:

Joe is a little boy suffering from a vitamin deficiency that can best be remedied by eating spinach.  Poor little Joe absolutely hates spinach, and he refuses to eat it.  In fact, he throws a temper tantrum when he has to.  Mom could a) require that he eat the suggested about of spinach, and if he continues to misbehave, deal with that separately, or b) require that Joe eat 4 times the amount of required spinach despite his misery, out of punishment for getting into the situation to begin with, and out of spite for frustration. 

Okay, so that's obviously ridiculous.  But how many times does a binge eater fail to follow a food plan 100% and then punish himself by eating everything in sight?  Punishment instead of grace.

How often have you heard that girl who needs to run 6 miles tonight because she was "so bad" and ate horribly this morning?  Exercise becoming a punishment instead of a disciplined habit.

Have you heard a story about a patient being diagnosed with Type II Diabetes and spiraling into a life of denial and embarrassment?  Responses disproportionate and unhelpful to the problem.

Punishment vs. Discipline vs. Abuse

Let's take it a step further.  This Huff Post article talks about how when parents discipline while angry, the punishment can cross the border into abuse, both legally and morally.  And how often do we do that to ourselves?  How often do we get angry at ourselves about our behaviors, and fall into a cycle of self-abuse: negative self-talk, miserable workouts, horrible moods because we hate ourselves?  

Cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Letting it Affect our Goals

I think this is where the tire hits the road for me.  Why am I picking the challenges I'm doing or the ones I'm planning on in the future?  Is it to punish myself and "fix" something "wrong" with me?  Or is it to replace habits with better ones?

Am I deciding on these things out of a punishment for who or what I am, or to discipline myself into a better future?

---

If we wouldn't talk to someone we love like that . . . if we wouldn't treat our best friends like that . . . if we wouldn't discipline our children like that . . .

. . . then maybe we should be constantly evaluating our motivation for how we treat ourselves.

This has been more of a stream of consciousness than any sort of organized blog post, so I may edit and clarify as I reread this in the future.  Hopefully my point came across despite the more rambling nature today.

5k a day -- Day 8

Not gonna lie, I kinda phoned it in today.  I had the day off, and dedicated to board prep, so I slept in much later than normal.  By the time I woke up, it was well over 90 degrees and more muggy than two rats screwing in a wool sock.  I studied all day, then simply walked the 5k tonight.

And that's okay.  I don't have to want to do my challenge every day.  I just have to do it, especially on the days I don't feel like it.

So I did.  Wandered around the dark neighborhood in air so thick you could feel the weight of it pressing down on your shoulders.

The 5k:

5k in 1:11:53

23:11 min/mile average pace

Splits:  22:58/23:06/23:27/22:52

The Workout:

54 squats

60 seconds plank

17 modified push ups

A thought on squats:

I had always done wide-stance squats.  One day Paul volunteered to do my squats with me, and I noticed he was doing narrow based squats -- something it had never occurred to me to do.  After that, I wondered which was better, since they felt like they worked different muscles.  Instead of researching it like the scientist I am, I got lazy and decided just to split my squats half wide and half narrow.

Tonight I decided to do a little research on it.  And I found this link on bodybuilding.com basically saying that wide stance squats are more powerful, more versatile, safer, and all around better.  Other articles, like this one and this one say it depends on who you are, how you're built, and what your goals are.

So, for now, I guess I'll keep splitting them 50/50 as long as I can keep good form.

---

Part of 30 day challenges is calling it in if you have to.  As long as I do the minimum, I win.  So, I win. :)

5k a day -- Day 7

Tonight was a pseudo date night for Paul and me.  I've been studying for boards and work has been super crazy for him, so we decided my 5k would be a good excuse to go for a walk together tonight and catch up.  I'm so glad we did it -- I've been incredibly stressed (the life of a senior medical student applying for residencies could fill a whole other blog) and the walk really helped me recenter and unwind.

The 5k:

5k in 1:11:55

23:01 min/mile average pace

Splits:  22:45/22:45/22:38/29:08

The Workout:

52 squats

55 seconds plank

16 modified push ups

Note to self: don't wait until after dinner to do that many squats.  Oy vey.  

Dinner, just to brag, was delicious:  steaks with bleu cheese crumbles, broccoli, garlic bread . . . mmm

By the way, Paul says he can already see the difference the squats are making in my butt.  I have no idea if he's just saying that to be nice or what, but any excuse for my fiancé to look at my butt is fine with me. :)

5k a day -- Day 6

Oops, I did my Day 7 straight-out 5k a day early.  For some reason I had it in my head I had decided to do it on Day 6.  Oh well.

The Run:

5k in 36:30

11:46 min/mile average pace

Splits:  11:59/11:52/11:36/10:27

I have to say I'm pretty happy with this run.  Not only was I consistent, but my splits improved, and I was significantly faster than Day 1.  I think this may be a personal best for me, but I'm not 100% sure.  For me this pace had my heart rate up pretty well the whole way.

The workout:

50 squats

50 seconds plank

15 modified push ups

Oh, and hey!  Shout out to whoever subscribed to this on their RSS feed.  It made me feel warm and fuzzy today.